Tooth Trouble

In our house, the tooth fairy has "issues." She has such a global reputation to uphold that she is prone to bouts of fatigue; what with all that flitting around dispensing money and hauling her enormous stash of teeth. So when a tooth is ready to be placed under a child's pillow in our house, she figures that we're nice enough folks and won't go on a global smear campaign if she falters in her fairy duties.

Drew's first and second tooth loss events were disasters and, to make myself feel better, I chalked it up to inexperience and nerves. I wrote those episodes off as the opening act for the big show, and no one pays the money to see the opening act. So I rehearsed and refined and vowed to do better. No missing teeth! No replacement shark's tooth! No empty tooth fairy wallet! No note of explanation next time!

Thursday, Drew bolted off the bus with his newly extracted tooth tucked securely in his backpack. I placed it in a baggie and put it on the counter with some other items that were clearly not trash. Apparently, the tooth wizard thought differently. (Jay resents the use of the word "fairy" when describing a task he must complete. Therefore, to comply with his impassioned plea and in an effort not to injure his masculinity, I have dubbed him "The Tooth Wizard.")

Later that evening I returned home from flitting around Target and DSW (in search of some fairy shoes) to find Drew's tooth was M.I.A. WHAT? NOT AGAIN! I put it in a baggie to keep it safe!! I wasn't aware that I need a safe to protect little lost teeth. In desperation, The Tooth Wizard was commanded to dig through the trash (because fairies draw the line at dumpster diving).

The tooth was not recovered.

So the next night another note of explanation was written and another shark's tooth was placed under Drew's pillow. He figured that the tooth fairy was good for either $5 or $25. After all, he had to wait an extra night because of his parent's blunder. Owen figured that the tooth fairy ought to bring him a dump truck for good measure. But the tooth wizard only had a buck in his pocket...and no dump truck.

I'm facing the music. We're not so good at the tooth fairy and tooth wizard business. But we've got Santa and Mrs. Claus down pat!