Magic

I miss the sound of applause.

I miss taking a bow.

I miss getting a paycheck.... for taking the bow and listening to the applause.

Call me vain or self-possessed.  Call me what you will.  But taking a curtain call is in a word....magic.

It has been years since I took my final bow and the curtain closed.  I knew I could return when the time was right.  I also knew that I didn't really have to leave the theatre at all.  Jay supported me in whatever choice I made.  

But....I knew a new Act in my life was beginning.  A new show was ready to be staged.

Sometimes I feel like the all important producer or director.  Most times, though, I feel like a bit player trying desperately to be noticed.  Who are the stars?  I'll give you three guesses.

Drew.

Owen.

Kai.

They get the applause now.  

In fact, Owen got applause 5 times yesterday.  

"Mama....I DID it!"  He says after he managed to get all of his potty in the toilet and not on the floor or wall.  

He got thunderous applause for this one.

I applauded him after he choked down one measly bite of pear.  (It took a full 5 minutes for him to actually swallow it.  But we're taking baby steps!)

Owen got applause for snapping a particularly difficult snap on his new pair of jeans, making a sea horse out of Play-Doh, and standing on one leg for a long time.  He was brimming with pride and I dutifully gave him his standing-o.

Drew got applause for not writing his J backwards.  I clapped for him when he counted to 100.  In fact, I was a captive audience for the 2 very riveting shows of "Listen to me count to 100, Mama!"   

I clapped both times.  

I even shouted "BRAVO!" when Drew caught the ball 5 times in a row.  (He got to take a bow for this one.)

And Kai...he's taking his first steps now.  I applauded for those two little wobbly steps.  

So the stars get their kudos and accolades.  And the bit player continues to do her work.  Show after show, day after day.  

Where is the magic for me?  I certainly don't get applause.  And the paycheck is a distant memory.  

So what's a theatre girl to do?

I've discovered my new magic.....

My magic happens when a 3 year old runs in with tears on his cheeks saying,  "Mama!  Kiss it!  Kiss it!"  And I have the power to make the pain stop and the tears disappear....with my magic kiss.  

Magic happens when I hear Drew say to Owen, "Make sure you keep Kai company while I go to the bathroom.  We don't want him to be sad in his crib, all alone."  

And magic is being married to your best friend for almost 10 years and you can't wait for another 10!

Despite the magic happening all around me, I have a dirty little secret......

I...

Still miss.....

the applause.