To Whom It May Concern....

*I forgot to post this back in December!
 

Dear Egg Nog,
We have to stop meeting like this.  I do not appreciate your fat content.


Dear Christmas Tree,
Must you shed like a sheepdog? Really? For a fresh cut tree you've got a lot of work to do in the freshness department. Are you paying us back for yanking you violently from your peaceful, tranquil farm life and thrusting you into a home where you have to support hundreds of twinkling lights and homemade ornaments dripping with Elmer's glue, glitter and popsicle sticks?

Was it necessary for you to hide Drew's game cartridge in your branches for 2 weeks? I yelled at Drew for losing it AND I lost my dignity as I rumaged around the garbage looking for that thing! Only to find it squirreled away in your needle-ly clutches. I know that Kai was your accomplice....I found his sippy cup in there. Are you hoarding all the lost socks, too?  Shameful, I say! Shameful!

Dear Insomnia,
You have reduced me to watching FaLaLaLa Lifetime. It is a new low. I just watched a holiday movie with Glinda the Good Witch (rather, the lady that played her in "Wicked") trying to woo lumberjack fellas in rural Montana to pose for a hunky calendar wherein she inevitably falls in love and leaves behind her high-powered Manhattan life and trades her Manolo Blahniks for hiking boots and lives happily ever after. Blech. I just felt 10 billion brain cells spontaneously combust.

Dear SpongeBob Square Pants,
Thank you for teaching Drew alternate lyrics to "Oh Christmas Tree." I enjoy it infinitely more than the boring and uninspiring lyrics of the original. Hearing him sing "Oh Krusty Krab, Oh Krusty Krab! Oh how I love you, Krusty Krab! Your patties from the grill...."
It delights me to no end!

Dear Whoopee Cushion,
Thank you, thank you, thank you for the days of laughter you have afforded me. Hearing your flatulent exclamations and the ensuing giggles is priceless. You are Owen's new favorite toy; however, I wish that you would refrain from allowing him to use you as a "way to call Mama when I need her." A simple, "Mama, could you please come here?" would suit me better than your potty mouth salutations.