Shower of Fear

I have about 10 minutes a day that I live in fear...  

I live in fear that my home will be burned to the ground (NO!  I don't keep matches or flammable substances around....but with 3 boys you just never know!).  

I live in fear that a precious tooth will be chipped or stitches will be required (both of which have happened when I dared to blink...Drew has a jack-o-lantern grin and Owen has a forehead like Frankenstein!).

I live in fear that all my shoes and clothes will be strewn about after having been stomped on, twisted about, and stuffed in slobbery mouths (Yes, this has occurred.  I have refrained from telling Jay that Owen and Drew have, tragically, tromped around in my high heels like little soldiers.  Heels do indeed sound cool when clomping around on the hardwood floor!)

When is the dreaded 10 minutes of fear?  

When I take a shower!!!  A simple, necessary and supposedly "relaxing" shower!

Must I be robbed of all serenity and peace just because my offspring possess the Y chromosome?  I have come to terms with the fact that I will never shop for pink or purple or anything pastel.  I have even come to terms with the fact that any extra money left at the end of the month can't be for buying a new pair of fabulous shoes but, instead, must be funneled into a fund for our future stratospheric grocery bills!  But I digress.....

I take all precautions necessary when I enter the 10 minute chamber of fear.  I place the 2 older boys in front of the electronic babysitter i.e. TV, and strap Kai in the bouncy seat hanging from the door of the bathroom.  All little people are contained within my room where I can hear them and I can be accessed should there be an incident.  

Despite the precautions, I still fear that I will be summoned to an "incident" where I will be soapy, cold, naked and thoroughly unpresentable....and as mad as a wet cat!  I have these vivid nightmares going on in my head as I scrub my scalp and shave my legs. Definitely not the calming, aroma-therapeutic shower experience that the soap commercials suggest!

Working through my fears, I press on every day and continue to shower, as I must.  

After wrapping myself in my robe I happen upon a most peculiar scene.  A scene which I am strangely grateful for as it does not involve destruction, blood or mayhem.

It involves a little boy with his mother's make-up and an oxygen mask.  It is a scene that is altogether perplexing and comical.  

"What in tarnation are you doing?"  I ask.

"I'm looking handsome...with your make-up!"  Owen replies.

"What is around your head?"  I demand.

"It is my ear patch!"  comes the response.

"WHY?"  (I can't wait to hear the answer.)

"Because I'm a scurvy pirate!"  

Enough said.

 

*The only other incident was when Owen pulled back really hard on the spring in the bouncy seat, trying to launch Kai across the room like a rock in a sling-shot.  I stopped that before Kai had a chance to get into orbit.  Thankfully, Drew is a really good tattle-tale.