Sandwich Mom

I've come to realize that a Mom spends a lot of time preparing lunches. During this time I've come up with a theory about how we Moms put together our children's portable meals. I believe there are 3 categories of Sandwich Moms.

A Sandwich Mom refers to the manner in which the female parent of a young offspring goes about preparing and packaging a sandwich to be placed in said offspring's lunch box for his/her consumption at school.

My Mom is the classic example of a Slap-It-Together Sandwich Mom. While I have many fond memories of my childhood, I do not have fond memories of the sandwiches that greeted me when I opened my orange Charlie Brown lunch box.

The smell usually greeted me first. And when the aroma wafted to my nose, I knew......tuna fish would be awaiting me. The brownish colored, stinky tuna fish would be slapped haphazardly between two pieces of crooked, soggy, tired pieces of bread.

And the way the sandwich is packaged is part of the Slap-It-Together Sandwich Mom's profile. My olfactory offending meal would barely be enclosed in a flimsy piece of plastic wrap. One corner would generally be exposed, causing that section of bread to be stale and the tuna fish to form an outer crust.

While my Mom has many amazing qualities and no doubt loves her children dearly, her love did not shine brightly through her sandwiches.

Next we have the Show-Me-the-Love Sandwich Mom. This Mom lovingly, painstakingly, and carefully assembles the sandwich. She has been known to cut off the crusts and on many occasions cut the sandwich into hearts or festive holiday shapes as the season dictates. The sandwich is then placed into a Ziploc bag with any excess air squeezed out to ensure perfect freshness and wonderful palatability.

I've always wanted to be that kind of Sandwich Mom. But I just can't bring myself to cut off the crusts! Which brings me to the third and final variety of Sandwich Mom. The kind that I was born to become...

The Standard-Sandwich Mom. This is what I am. I like to put Drew's sandwich together with care and I am careful to use the appropriate ratio of peanut butter to jam. I cut it into two triangles to make it easier for him to eat. And then I place it into the Ziploc bag, making sure it is sealed so the sandwich won't go stale. I do not squeeze out the excess air and I most certainly DO NOT cut off his crusts........

Until last night.

I stared at the sandwich for a while before I brought the knife blade down to sever the crispy brown edges from the soft white bread. It went against everything in my very being to cut those crusts off. I was going against the grain! (Pun perfectly intended.)

Jay knew that the universe was turning upside down and looked outside to see if pigs were flying.

"Why are you cutting off the crusts of that sandwich?" he asked.

"I have no choice," I replied. "There was a little bit of white mold on the edge of one crust."

Am I bad?

At least I cut it off.

And thus concludes my essay on sandwiches. I either have too much time on my hands or I'm ignoring the growing mounds of laundry that need putting away. I confess, it is the latter.