A Few Teeth and a Dog (written in May when the events actually occurred)

I wasn't expecting it.

I knew it would happen soon enough because it was loose, but not THAT loose. I thought the Toothfairy had at least another month to prepare for her first arrival at the Spencer home. So when Drew bounded down the stairs exclaiming, "I lost my tooth!" I was taken aback.

"You lost your tooth?" I asked.

"Yeah, I lost my tooth." He replied

"Well, let me see it!" I said. (My first baby lost his first baby tooth!!! What a milestone!)

"But Mom, I said I lost my tooth." Drew replied with exasperation.

"I KNOW you lost it. I heard you. Did you already put it under your pillow?" I replied, just as exasperated.

"MAMA!!! I SAID I LOST IT," he reiterated.

.......Silence.......

"You lost it?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Yeah, I lost it." He answered matter-of-factly.

"Like, gone?" I quizzed, in disbelief.

"Yep. I don't have it anymore," came the reply with an "I've-told-you-that-a-million-times" look.

"Did you spit it in the sink after brushing your teeth? Did you swallow it? Did you drop it on the ground after you pulled it out?" I implored, practically shaking him to get an acceptable answer.

"I don't know, Mama. I LOST it. It's just....lost."

After I sat there digesting that bit of information and contemplating if a little tooth could indeed be digesting in the belly of my 5 year old, my mind raced ahead to the little issue of the Toothfairy.

Earlier that very Saturday the Toothfairy spent the meager amount of cash she had at a roadside stand advertising fresh orange blossom honey and kettle corn. (She'll fly over a dozen Wal-Marts without a second glance; but put a hand painted sign on the side of the road advertising fresh foods and goodies and she'll magically appear there every time.)

In an effort to make-up for the woefully inadequate supply of cash in her coffer, the Toothfairy (disguised as me) brokered a deal.

I explained that since Drew didn't have an actual tooth he would have to come up with an alternate plan as to how the Toothfairy would know that he had lost his tooth.

After some consideration, the plan was to place a shark's tooth from our shell collection underneath Drew's pillow and then hope that the Toothfairy was in a generous mood.

Seeing as how the Toothfairy didn't have any cash, she devised a plan of her own. A kind note was left under the pillow of the now gap-toothed little boy explaining how her business works. She couldn't just leave the money for a tooth that clearly belonged to a ferocious fish and not a sweet child. No, she had a reputation to uphold!

The next morning Drew discovered a note stating that an explanation was required for payment to be received.

Drew was completely nonplussed. It was as if he got notes under his pillow every day. He was a calm, cool, collected businessman who had one goal in mind....to seal the deal. So, he did as he was asked and got a dollar under his pillow.

There were lessons to be learned all around. The Toothfairy learned that she must always have cash on hand when boys have wiggly teeth. Drew learned that the Toothfairy, despite the fluffy name, drives a hard bargain.

And thankfully, one week later the lessons had not been forgotten, for Drew lost his second tooth in his hot dog! Yes, his Oscar Meyer all beef frank had a little tiny baby tooth stuck right in the side of its all beef goodness.

No strings attached to a tooth, attached to a swinging doorknob. No tooth dangling by a thread for weeks before the parent holds down the screaming child and yanks out the offending tooth with a pair of rusty pliers from the tool shed.

Nope, just a hot dog. Charming.