Politics; Warning - Some Facts May Actually Be Opinion

In the absence of a leader that truly speaks my language and understands the struggles of the average stay-at-home mom, I am entering the realm of politics. I’ve decided to run for the office of….

Mother of the Year

Being as it is the early stages of my campaign, I am still in the process of fine-tuning my platform and what I stand for. After all, politicians don’t really have to stand for anything, right? At least not anything right.

So, please forgive me if there are some missteps and miscalculations in the beginning. I promise to work really hard to figure out what I stand for as the campaign goes along. I’m flexible on many issues.

I will work with the media to figure out what works best so I can get elected.

But as we all know, I can change my mind after I’m in office. It is all about “change” anyway!

I believe in:

No Shirt, No Shoes, NO PROBLEM

I didn’t grow up wearing shoes in the summer. My siblings and I ran around like little native children with nothing protecting our feet. My brothers only wore shirts when we went places and as soon as we got home, the shirts were off again.

As Mother of the Year, I will not require my children to wear shoes at home. I firmly believe that going barefoot strengthens a child’s ability to be one with nature. Calluses are good. They build character. And nothing is wrong with a little dirt.

Shirts are optional as well. (As long as you are of the male persuasion.) I do have my scruples!

Sometimes it is okay to have cookies before breakfast.

After all, most cereals have as much sugar as 10 cookies so it isn’t really that bad.
Kai spotted some cookies on our counter while I was getting his oatmeal prepared. Nothing would deter him from those cookies so I caved in. Despite my sparkly smile and rousing motivational speeches I am still only human.
*Now comes the confession and transparent apology...

I admit it; I am a sucker for chubby cheeks and toothy grins. Besides, he is the biggest donor to my campaign. He gets special perks!
*Was there actually an apology in there?

All Are Entitled to a Healthy Home

I have put into place many laws designed to protect our community and the health and well being of my constituents. One such law is that of hand washing after using the facilities. I require the use of anti-bacterial soap and vigorous scrubbing at the sink.

However, it is not in the budget to hire more law enforcement officers i.e. a nanny. (A casualty of the downturn in our economy.) Therefore, this law is often only enforced when we are in public restrooms.

If the law is broken in our own home, the offender often goes undetected and I happily revel in my ignorance. If caught, Offenders generally receive a stern look but no real hard time.

Hard time is reserved for grievous offenses like hitting or back talking. Offenders are imprisoned in their rooms where often times they have all the conveniences of home like a comfy bed, books, various toys and other items that make the “hard time” really not that hard.

Ummm, ahh, …..maybe I’ll need to consult with my advisers about this. I’ll have to return to this policy at a later date. Besides, my teleprompter isn't working correctly.

Economic Extravagance for NONE

My stimulus package is quite different from my competitors. You will not see fancy new video games being purchased or the latest and greatest gadgets littering our toy room. (Although if any of you would like to contribute a Wii to my campaign coffer, I would not complain. In fact, I would do my best to carry out some of your wishes once elected. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours! But let’s just keep that bit of business between the two of us.)

We don’t have many toys or the fanciest new-fandangled gizmos. I believe in simple toys that have multiple uses. Having very few toys requires that children use their imaginations…..like the good old days….before the computer. See, aren’t I very progressive, forward-thinking and in tune with the common, average everyday American? (Once again, don’t forget about the Wii. I can be very discreet.)

Please stay tuned for more information regarding my bid for 2009’s Mother of The Year seat. Also appearing soon will be applicable and heart-warming photos to get you to vote for me at the polls. And remember one of my slogans is….

BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!

The Astronaut

Oh, my little astronaut-in-training.

The rocket boosters that NASA wanted back are still firmly affixed to Kai's stubby little feet. I fear that he has no plans to return them any time soon. So, in the absence of my own set of rocket boosters, I am forced to dash from one place to the next, yanking tiny Lego's and other hazardous choking toys (left out by 2 older brothers which shall remain nameless) from Kai's 8 toothed mouth.

On a recent trip to the pediatrician, our new doctor asked some routine questions about Kai. As he squiggled and squirmed in my arms, she asked, "Does he walk along furniture or try to take steps independently?"

I looked at her with a hint of annoyance (I'd been in that tiny little examining room waiting with 3 hungry boys for 15 minutes), and set Kai down on his rocket boosters. He quickly ran to the trash can he had been eyeballing and proceeded to rummage around. (Don't worry, it wasn't the red hazardous waste container!)

After more obvious questions and several shots, we were finally out of the office armed with the knowledge that Kai is a big boy. 80th percentile for height and 70th percentile for weight. If NASA won't take him maybe the NFL will!

So here are a few pics of Kai's recent happenings.

I let Uncle Dane do the chasing for a while. He did an excellent job!

Kai is learning to eat all by himself with a fancy baby spoon.

It is more hassle than it's worth!
This is good manners in some countries....right?

No shame!
Kai raking leaf.
Truly, just one tiny little leaf.
(He's the over-achiever of the bunch.)

Taking a break to look at a bird. Or maybe he's dreaming of the day he'll blast off into space himself. It won't be long.

Perfecting his raking technique.

Pausing one last time to admire the birds in flight before he makes a mad dash for the street.

Perspective

Today was going to be the day that I complained…..a lot. My life feels like a bad remake of the movie “Groundhog Day.” One day bleeds into another and the only thing that is different is the clothes I wear. Well, honestly, if you must know….sometimes I wear the same clothes I wore the day before. Seriously, does it matter? Who is going to know except children that have crusty oatmeal on their shirts 99% of the time? And Jay knows better than to say anything about the recurring pair of magical capris I wear that mysteriously clean themselves after a night spent on the floor of the closet.

I was going to complain about the poop that got on my leg and arm during a particularly difficult round of diaper changing with a boy that more closely resembles a greased piglet than a round-bottomed 13-month-old.

I was going to complain about the rain that has thwarted my efforts to take my nightly run for the past 2 weeks.

I was also going to lodge a complaint against little folks who insist on screaming, demanding, whining, crying and fighting while I try to have a phone conversation. I just *love* it when my 3 year old scoundrel yells in a voice that sounds like a fog horn, “MAMA! COULD YOU WIPE MY BOTTOM?” right when I’m on an important phone call. Sweet!

But as my fingers fly over the keyboard writing about the woes and ills that try to squash my spirit and suck me dry, I think of my friend. I think of her 3 young sons (one with red hair) and her awesome husband and how they’ve lost their anchor.

After a 3 day bout with the flu, she passed away.

The flu.

Not the swine flu, but the “regular” flu.

Suddenly, I feel like a brat. Faced with my own mortality and the fragile lives we all lead I realize that the “little stuff” that I turn into “big stuff” will quickly cloud my eyes from seeing the “good stuff.”

And I’ve got good stuff. REALLY good stuff. I just need to remind myself once in a while that amidst poopie pants, snotty noses, flabby thighs, and penny pinching I’ve got boys that belly laugh at an old episode of “Tom and Jerry” while cuddling with me on my bed. And I have a husband that still adores me after 10 years of me being…...me.

I’ve vowed to not ever, ever, ever say “Life isn’t fair.” Because no one is guaranteed anything. We aren’t guaranteed a long and happy life and a peaceful death in our sleep at the age of 92. We aren’t guaranteed our children will make the right choices and never be hurt or sick or sad.

But I can guarantee myself that I’ll try to drink the lemonade (that I made from the lemons life gave me) from a glass that I recognize is half-full and not half-empty. I can guarantee that I’ll try and do my best to love the life I have and not waste my energy longing for a different one. Because at the end of the day I should be grateful for the fact that I’m lucky enough to have experienced one more precious day.

Kai's First Birthday

I'm a little bit behind. So, in the next few days there will be a flurry of posts chronicling our busy lives the last several months. Better late than never, eh?

Kai couldn't wait until the song was over.

He was willing to share. But only with Grandpa.
Bellying up to the bar.

Thankfully the penny was discovered before the feeding frenzy commenced. (See the post below.)

Sugar shock!