Saturday, March 13, 2010

Kung Fu Grandma

My Mom was here for a 2 day visit, which means......I got a pedicure (so I could break out my sassy peep-toe shoes without shame), adult conversation, a long overdue date with Jay (museums in DC and Thai food for dinner), treated to lunch at Chick-Fil-A, and some validation, relaxation, commiseration and commendation.  

What did Grandma get?  A whole lot of wrangling, wrestling, diapering and snack dispensing.  She got her bag pillaged as well as an accelerated lesson in "How To Open All The Kai Proofed Bathroom Doors Quick Enough So You Don't Wet Your Pants."  It takes dexterity, mental acuity and the patience of Mother Teresa to open these doors.  I'm considering passing out Depends to all my guests as a precaution.  Luckily, Grandma is still the sharpest knife in the drawer and was in no need of assistance.  (Owen has mastered it and Drew asks Owen to open the doors for him.  It all works itself out somehow.  If the door can't be opened quick enough they just go out and relieve themselves in the bushes.  One of many reasons it is nice to have all boys AND large shrubbery.)  

My mom willingly and knowingly accepts all manner of abuses when she visits our house.  There is no pretense of me trying to make her "stay more comfortable" with Martha Stewart-like accommodations.  She finds no fancy meals or sparkling clean floors or a relaxing retreat.  I provide her with clean sheets and towels and she brings her ear plugs and an extra parcel of patience.


She also brings little toys for the boys.  Curiously, she has a sixth sense as to what kinds of things the boys will like that will stimulate their intellect keep them occupied.  This trip it was Boggle and some drawing books.  They worked like a charm.

Things were going along nicely.  She didn't let Kai take a leisurely swim in the koi pond like last time.  And when we were in the city, Kai only got one headlight on his forehead after an altercation with an open door.  So all in all her Grandma time was a success for all parties..... until Kai and Owen decided to start jumping from the end table onto the couch and then dumping the end table over.  Thankfully there were no injures because Grandma rushed to the scene and said,

"If you boys don't stop that I'm going to have to get after you!!!"

She left them alone to ponder their behavior, confident that she was the victorious adult.  However, Owen translated the reprimand differently.  Apparently Grandma's reputation as a black belt in taekwondo (true story) precedes her.  Owen explained to his brother....


"Did you hear that, Kai?  Grandma said she's going to beat us up!"

Now I know her secret.  And it isn't the toys! 

 


 

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Sleep Habits

A few nights ago....about 4.3 seconds after turning on the TV to watch compulsory ice dancing at the Olympics, Jay was out cold on the couch.  (But not before he could complain, "A twizzle!  What kind of sport has a twizzle in it?)  Apparently watching men and women dance around on the ice to the EXACT same music with the EXACT same choreography was not exciting enough for him.
  
Surprising.
  
In all honesty, I tried my hardest to be interested but my book about the witches of Salem in the 1600's was far more intriguing than the people of the 21st century dancing the "romantic tango" with knives strapped to their boots.  Twizzle or no twizzle.  And because I couldn't summon a marching band to wake up Jay and I couldn't haul him up to our room on my back, I left him snoozing away on the couch with visions of ice dancing cowgirls in his head.
  
As I walked past Kai's door I heard the telltale signs of a chest cold.  Since I had a big giant bed to myself I decided to put him in bed with me so I could listen to his breathing.  To monitor his developing cough.  That was my excuse.  What I really wanted was to spend time with him when he wasn't going mach 10 from one disaster to the next. And since that only happens when he is asleep, I seized the opportunity.  I wanted some quiet time alone with my "baby" who isn't a baby anymore but a toddler.  A full-fledged little boy.  That night I wanted to stop time and spend some peaceful moments alone with the boy who will always be my baby.

I snuggled him in and felt immense happiness just being close to him.  Until...

He proceeded to thrash about like a fish out of water.  He was twisting and turning and picking his legs up and slamming them down and doing his own version of the twizzle. I endured the beating for about as long as Jay endured ice dancing, and I returned my little whirling dervish to his own bed, my lofty idea of a tranquil cuddle chopped to bits with each swing of Kai's stubby arm.

It reminded me of other nights I thought it would be a good idea to have some peaceful moments with my sleeping boys.  While on our camping trip last summer, with the serenity of the Great Smokey Mountains surrounding us, I attempted to sleep between Chuck Norris and Kung Fu Panda in a little 2 man tent.  With Owen on one side and Drew on the other, I spent a pain filled night being karate chopped, speared, kicked, scratched and rolled over in the tent of terror.
  
Which brings me to these photos of our camping trip in North Carolina last summer. That is Chuck Norris on the right who enjoys the noise of electronics more than the chirping crickets.  Kung Fu Panda, below, who looks like he is about to snort his s'more right into his giant nostrils!  And that is Kai before he became Houdini and could escape from anything and pick any lock on the green earth.  Being quarantined in that pack and play was the ultimate of insults and the wailing cut through the quiet of nature like a knife.  Our neighboring campers loved us!  Oh, those were the days....

Monday, March 1, 2010

Melting Down

I've lost all creative energies.  Somewhere in the depths of this winter, perhaps buried under the snow, I've misplaced my creative juices.  It feels impossible to write anything or take pictures of anything that seem in the least bit interesting, beautiful, poignant or fun.  I've got a backlog of blog posts that I just can't bring myself to push the "publish" button because they don't feel right to me.  

I've narrowed the problem down to the need/want dilemma.
 
I often talk to the boys about the difference between needing and wanting.  When they whine, "But I neeeeeed a piece of candy."  I respond with a line straight out of the things-you-swore-you'd-never-say-but-can't-stop-from-saying-now-that-you-are-the-mom book.
  
"You need a piece of candy just about as much as you need a cavity.  You should say I want a piece of candy."  (This is followed by the same blank stare that I'm sure I gave my Mom.)


But now I find myself in the same need/want predicament as my boys.  I whine about needing a vacation with just Jay.  I also need to go skiing. I need a bigger dining room table. I also need to watch what I eat and lose a few pounds.  I need to exercise more.  I need, need, NEED........

So I'll do as the hymn says and "gird up my loins, fresh courage take" and march myself right into March....the last vestiges of winter.  I have what I need...my hooligans, my husband, a warm house, food and my health (physical, maybe not mental!).  I'll publish those blog posts because they are what they are, an accurate and perhaps mundane recording of our life.
  
But still, I neeeeeeed a vacation!!!!!!