Politics; Warning - Some Facts May Actually Be Opinion

In the absence of a leader that truly speaks my language and understands the struggles of the average stay-at-home mom, I am entering the realm of politics. I’ve decided to run for the office of….

Mother of the Year

Being as it is the early stages of my campaign, I am still in the process of fine-tuning my platform and what I stand for. After all, politicians don’t really have to stand for anything, right? At least not anything right.

So, please forgive me if there are some missteps and miscalculations in the beginning. I promise to work really hard to figure out what I stand for as the campaign goes along. I’m flexible on many issues.

I will work with the media to figure out what works best so I can get elected.

But as we all know, I can change my mind after I’m in office. It is all about “change” anyway!

I believe in:

No Shirt, No Shoes, NO PROBLEM

I didn’t grow up wearing shoes in the summer. My siblings and I ran around like little native children with nothing protecting our feet. My brothers only wore shirts when we went places and as soon as we got home, the shirts were off again.

As Mother of the Year, I will not require my children to wear shoes at home. I firmly believe that going barefoot strengthens a child’s ability to be one with nature. Calluses are good. They build character. And nothing is wrong with a little dirt.

Shirts are optional as well. (As long as you are of the male persuasion.) I do have my scruples!

Sometimes it is okay to have cookies before breakfast.

After all, most cereals have as much sugar as 10 cookies so it isn’t really that bad.
Kai spotted some cookies on our counter while I was getting his oatmeal prepared. Nothing would deter him from those cookies so I caved in. Despite my sparkly smile and rousing motivational speeches I am still only human.
*Now comes the confession and transparent apology...

I admit it; I am a sucker for chubby cheeks and toothy grins. Besides, he is the biggest donor to my campaign. He gets special perks!
*Was there actually an apology in there?

All Are Entitled to a Healthy Home

I have put into place many laws designed to protect our community and the health and well being of my constituents. One such law is that of hand washing after using the facilities. I require the use of anti-bacterial soap and vigorous scrubbing at the sink.

However, it is not in the budget to hire more law enforcement officers i.e. a nanny. (A casualty of the downturn in our economy.) Therefore, this law is often only enforced when we are in public restrooms.

If the law is broken in our own home, the offender often goes undetected and I happily revel in my ignorance. If caught, Offenders generally receive a stern look but no real hard time.

Hard time is reserved for grievous offenses like hitting or back talking. Offenders are imprisoned in their rooms where often times they have all the conveniences of home like a comfy bed, books, various toys and other items that make the “hard time” really not that hard.

Ummm, ahh, …..maybe I’ll need to consult with my advisers about this. I’ll have to return to this policy at a later date. Besides, my teleprompter isn't working correctly.

Economic Extravagance for NONE

My stimulus package is quite different from my competitors. You will not see fancy new video games being purchased or the latest and greatest gadgets littering our toy room. (Although if any of you would like to contribute a Wii to my campaign coffer, I would not complain. In fact, I would do my best to carry out some of your wishes once elected. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours! But let’s just keep that bit of business between the two of us.)

We don’t have many toys or the fanciest new-fandangled gizmos. I believe in simple toys that have multiple uses. Having very few toys requires that children use their imaginations…..like the good old days….before the computer. See, aren’t I very progressive, forward-thinking and in tune with the common, average everyday American? (Once again, don’t forget about the Wii. I can be very discreet.)

Please stay tuned for more information regarding my bid for 2009’s Mother of The Year seat. Also appearing soon will be applicable and heart-warming photos to get you to vote for me at the polls. And remember one of my slogans is….

BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!